If you are the wife of an alcoholic or addict there is nothing you want more than your husband to get sober. I know you would do anything to keep your family together. You want a sober man who gives you his loving attention who is honest and responsible. Someone you can depend on and grow old with. Here’s some of the best advice for the wife of an alcoholic or addict: How do you get alcoholism.
Increase the chances of your alcoholic or addicted husband getting sober by allowing him to hit rock bottom.
As the wife of an alcoholic or addict your job is to stop breaking his falls.
You are his wife NOT his mother. And for all you mom’s who read this blog, if your child suffers from addiction or alcoholism and is above the age of 21: this advice is for you too… no more enabling.
Your loved one must learn to be a responsible, contributing, law abiding man. His behavior is not normal.
How alcoholism stages
I had a friend who worked nights. Every morning after work she would return to her very expensive home to find it trashed from the party her cocaine-addicted husband threw while she was working. Cups, garbage, bottles, (even people passed out) were spread all over her home. For three hours she would do nothing but clean. Wash the floors, pick up trash, do the dishes.
When her husband woke up after his binge, the home smelled and looked brand new. He had no reminder of the hurtful choices he made the night before. He could always rely on his wife to clean up his messes.
The only way your loved one is ever going to want to get better is when you get out of the way. If you clean up all the time, he will never get the severity of the situation.
The more you try to rescue him, the longer it will take for your alcoholic or addicted husband to get sober.
Experts agree, the best advice is not to financially support him. If he loses his job: don’,t give him money if he is not actively looking for a new one (if he doesn’,t have money how is he going to buy drugs or alcohol?) If he is not helping around the house: don’,t pick up after his messes (clearing his dishes, doing his laundry). If he can’,t drive because he got a DUI: don’,t lend him your car or get in the passenger seat with him at the wheel.
Yes, it’s easier for you to clean up after your alcoholic or addicted husband but you are prolonging his disease.
Doing his dirty work for him is not going to make him love you more. Saving him is not going to help get him sober.
Do you do clean up his mess when he is passed out? Do you go behind him apologizing for his words at the party? Do you try to make peace with everyone in your family he has hurt? Do you take over his responsibilities? If so, you are not a bad woman. You have been trying to get him better. You have “helped” him out of love. But now you know better.
How do you beat alcoholism
Make a list of things you need to stop doing that enable him and start making better choices. Let’s be accountability partners! I used to be just like you. Leave a comment below and tell us how you are going to stop enabling today. I promise to write you back. You can do it!! You are not alone.